Student problems

199054423_7082f3ef57_oStudents are notorious for their hatred of anything academic and an unhealthy passion for booze and food. Despite the long-anticipated absence of parents, student’s being students will still find things to moan about. Life is by no means easy, but sleeping, eating and repeating (what workload?!) is the quintessential student lifestyle, which will forever be complained about.

Portion sizes

Going back to basics is your first step to becoming a true student; gone are the days of brand snobbery. It’s fine, though, at university, it is quantity over quality.

The amount consumed at university exceeds any of the amounts you have ever seen demolished on Man vs Food. Well, almost. Accidentally putting too much pasta in the pan, or too many chips in the oven soon happens way too often to be a mistake. In-taking too much comes in two forms: eating and drinking.

Sleeping…too much?

Not many of us outgoing students remember our nights out, apart from countless shots and inevitable munchies at the end of the night. When we rise at approximately 3:00pm, our topic of choice to complain about is our self-inflicted hangovers, despite our reluctance to downing water after a messy night. I’m sure any student could sleep for the next 100 years, if it wasn’t for that one flatmate’s banging music. Let’s just say from experience; you shouldn’t mess with a student who already has a banging head. Don’t add banging music into the equation!

Cooking skills

We all spent time perfecting our cooking skills (aka toaster usage skills) before university, but this went out of the window the minute we arrived. Ready meals may be high in salt and lacking in nutrition, but 5 minutes in the microwave sure sounds a lot more appetising than actually having to – God forbid – prepare food.

At a push, an oven pizza is fine, yet it is a lot easier to dial that number for the nearest takeaway. To be optimistic, at least this saves on the ridiculous amount of freezer space, which is around ten ready meals too small. Stealing freezer space results in us finding meals which we only remember purchasing when we see them left out on the side, with a green, fermenting garnish decorating it. Some might be disgusted, but some might call it gourmet – we all know the types.

Work load

Us very logical students, representing the future generation, decide that the most rational thing to do once given deadlines is to sit doing everything other than work, despite us being here for that very reason. A mixture of last minute essays and alcohol leaves us looking like we are returning to the graveyard as we walk around campus. We soon compromise our beauty for apparently not-so-efficient brains.

The cursed word at university soon becomes ‘seminar’. Lecture is fine – our attendance isn’t marked – but of course us responsible students attend every single one. Once we are back in our rooms, we are in our pyjamas before you can say ‘work!’ and we will sit there for a commendable length of time. More often than not, we wear our pyjama tops under our winter coats because changing our top is just way too much effort. An already cramped bedroom soon becomes one overflowing floordrobe and our ‘effortless’ fashion is down to the universal student philosophy of choosing the first thing on top of that ever-growing pile.

If you’re going to be a fresher this 2014, I promise it will be okay. If you’re the student I have just described, you’re procrastinating. Stop.

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A 19 year old English student aspiring to be a journalist.

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