There’s no doubt about it being a student is hard. Deciding when to sleep, what to have for tea and working out how many lectures you can get away with skiving is undoubtedly draining, but worry not ye fellow students for all your problems and questions shall be solved.
Here is a list of the ten commandments of being a student, follow these and ye shall succeed…or something.
1) Thou must possess one traffic cone
Let’s face it Freshers’ week isn’t about getting prepared for your assignments or unpacking, no matter who you are and what you’re interested in there is only one objective – to get absolutely plastered. We’ve all been on those crazy nights out where we take so much advantage of the ten shots for ten pounds offer that we wake up in a field covered in mud and smelling like the inside of a skip. But if you wake up next to a stolen traffic cone then fear not, you have conquered what no mere man can conquer alone and by obtaining that traffic cone you are officially a student.
2) Thou must worship 17p noodles
Food is expensive and everyone loves banging on about inflation and how expensive everything is becoming. When you’re spending your finance on Topshop it’s all too easy to forget to buy meals but worry not my friends your new saviour is Asda’s own branded food ranging from baked beans to instant noodles.
3) Thou must protect their holy possessions
If there’s one thing that a student should ever have to face it’s having their food stolen. Should you be sharing a flat with someone who seems to constantly dip into your cereal then there is absolutely nothing wrong with quoting from “Taken” and writing death threats on your food.
4) Thou must buy more underwear to avoid washing
With all the partying and the occasional assignment who has time for washing really? Wearing the same pair of underwear really isn’t acceptable, nor is wearing bikini bottoms as underwear! After a while it’s a pain and there’s only so many times your mother will accept your bin liner of washing leaving you with two choices. Haul the three bin liners of socks up to the laundrette *gulp* or just buy more.
5) Thou must collect every free voucher known to man (and student)
There is a time in your life when those annoying people in the streets waving fliers around actually come in use and it’s now. Half price pizza, free entry to a club, a complimentary voucher for Subway… The world is your oyster-or your voucher. Take advantage and collect as many as you can, because at Christmas these kindred spirits will miraculously disappear and that extra pound you got used to saving really does count.
6) Thou must sleep only at random intervals
So you’re up all night partying (or in my case playing Professor Layton games) and you’re absolutely shattered the next day. Being a student does have it’s perks though, for example it is now completely acceptable to fall sleep at two in the afternoon and to not surface until eight pm.
7) Thou must avoid paying for a T.V license
So unless you’re tech savvy and watch all your television on Netflix you’re going to need to invest in a television license…or not. Most student bars have a television and most of them have Sky Sports on all Saturday. So pop down to the pub with your friends, enjoy a pint or two and catch your favourite sports programmes without spending a penny!
8) Thou must worship thy drug known to man as Caffeine
Student life is simply not possible without a daily intake of caffeine. Late nights and early rises all lead to a very grumpy you especially when you have a politics lecture first thing on a Monday morning. All is not lost though Poundland does a great deal on energy drinks and most branches of Starbucks and Costa are all too happy to feed your addiction, just don’t forget to pick up a loyalty card to get a free drink.
9) Thou must only complete their assignments the night before
Let’s be honest no-one actually completes their coursework the day they get it. A head start is always recommended especially by your tutors but there is nothing wrong with finalising it the night before just be sure to get higher than a 2.2 otherwise you may want to rethink this strategy.
10) Thou must enjoy freedom whilst you can
There will be a time where you will have to desperately hunt for a job, probably move back in with your parents and start paying tax and although three years may seem a long time, it really isn’t. So enjoy your freedom whilst you can, get yourself out there, meet new people and have a blast. After all what is being a student all about?
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